


Gandanponra

by Rat_Dance



Series: Gandanponra [1]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, I Don't Even Know, I Offer No Explanation Or Apology, One Shot, Short One Shot, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-15 23:48:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29691816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rat_Dance/pseuds/Rat_Dance
Summary: Hope’s Peak Academy, home to the symbols of Hope. The Ultimate Despair wishes that were the case. Instead this killing game is being carried by a depressed lucky student and a bubbly detective.(Opposite Personalities AU)
Series: Gandanponra [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2188809
Comments: 6
Kudos: 27





	Gandanponra

10 students stood at their podiums in a courtroom beneath the academy of hope. They had stood here twice before, each time their numbers dwindling further as the murderers among them were exposed and executed by their demented captor and self-proclaimed “Headmaster”. A familiar scene, and yet...

“Let’s begin with a basic explanation of the class trial! So, your votes will determine the results. If you can figure out ‘whodunnit’, then-”

“You know, for someone that keeps bringing up how bored they are you sure like to say the same shit over and over.”

Monokuma paused in his opening remarks to glare at the girl that dared interrupt him.

“Hey, hey hey hey hey! This is a very important part of the court proceedings, you know! And I won’t have you running your mouth and interrupting your headmaster, Ms. Asahina!”

Unfortunately, the bear had to deal with multiple problem children among his students. Makoto Naegi, not even possessing the decency to lift his head from where he laid slumped over the podium, of course had to chime in with his own remarks.

“You know, she’s kind of right. It hasn’t even been two weeks yet, and already five people are dead. Hell, *I’m* already bored at this rate. You should have spaced things out more.”

Taeko Yasahiro, as per usual, was affronted with her classmates’ attitude. 

“T-These are people’s lives you’re talking about here! Those guys were our friends! Don’t be so casual about their deaths!”

A boy scoffed at the plain Ultimate Gambler.

“Those jagoffs only died because they were too stupid to get away with it or too weak to fight back. Fuck ‘em. Law of the jungle, princess: the strong survive, everyone else had better spread ‘em and take it like a man.”

The words and attitude were at a complete contrast with the speaker’s appearance and voice. He was even shorter than Naegi, and had a feminine face and build.

Monokuma had just about enough of these ingrates. Privately, the Mastermind wondered if perhaps she could end the game early and just execute all of these losers already. So far, their only use was driving the outside world to despair not through their deaths, but by revealing what complete and total selfish jackasses they all were.

“Hey! Test my patience and I might just call voting time early! We’re here for the murder of Mondo Owada, yadda yadda solve the murder or die!”

A tall, blonde boy with spectacles looked downcast at the reminder. “Another one of our friends gone... and at least one more to join him. This is too cruel, I should have helped more, why am I so worthless?”

“You’re still better than Hina. She’s already asleep at her podium.”

Sakura glared at the drowsy swimmer, who had passed out as usual. That girl had absolutely no energy; how she became an ultimate athlete was a mystery in of itself. And speaking of mysteries, the group’s resident solver of them was clapping her hands enthusiastically.

“Alright, bitches! It’s sad that Mondo’s gone, but do you know what his death means, Makoto?”

Makoto groaned, still not looking up from his podium. “That we’re all going to die in this hellhole?”

“Hmmmm I guess it could mean that maybe, but not what I was going for!”

Taka cleared his throat, drawing attention due to the slouching authoritarian’s usual quietness. True to form, when he did speak, his voice was soft but commanded the attention of all who heard it.

“It means that another has broken the rules and must suffer their deserved torturous death for their sins.”

“Uh, nope. Well, I guess that too but that’s not it either!”

A boy with wild hair sighed as he looked up from his crystal ball. “Kyoko means that she gets to solve a mystery.”

“Got it in one! Right again, Hiro! Wow, you’re like, ten for ten!”

Byakuya brightened. “Oh! That’s right, Kyoko will save us! You’ve solved the mystery already, right?”

The girl absentmindedly scratched at the exposed burns on her hand as she took on a pondering expression.

“Well,” she began. “I was pretty sure it was Toko, because of how gory the crime scene was. Then I was thinking the crime scene matched with Sakura since whoever killed Mondo struck him from behind using the dumbbell, and we all know she hates playing fair. But then Chihiro said some stuff I found suspicious, but also! Also, also, also! I’ve been thinking, you know, we take things at face value way too much in this game. Wouldn’t it be weird if maybe this was Hifumi’s ghost that did this? It matches with his watch somehow being at the crime scene. Honestly though I didn’t actually get to check out the crime scene as much this time since I was sneaking around the second floor dorms without you guys.”

The Ultimate Gambler sighed. “You sure like to put all your cards on the table. You know, maybe you should keep some stuff to yourself if you want us to take you seriously. Makoto, mind giving her a hand?”

A snort drew the room’s attention to the dainty Ultimate Writer. Toko Fukawa’s skin was so clear it almost hurt to look at, and the smell of soap was overpowering. 

“You all seem to have picked up the habit of relying on this childish detective and her pet nihilist. Can no one else think for themselves?”

Taka grunted. “I don’t want to hear any advice from a depraved criminal. I really hope it’s you this time.”

The Writer sighed. “I believe I have stressed the differences between me and Jill. Neither of us are culpable for the other’s actions beyond sharing the responsibility of our body. I will say in her defense that at least her poisonings are clean and quick, none of the brutality of this murder.”

“Yeah yeah, flick it to your snuff books later, freak-show. Do you actually have a problem with the defective detectives or do you just love the sound of your voice?”

“You are perhaps the rudest person I have ever met, Mr. Fujisaki.”

“Bite my gigantic schlong.”

Kyoko pouted. “You guuuuuuuuuuys! You’re wasting time we could be spending on mysterieeeees! Tell them, Makoto!”

“The dead are the real lucky ones in this. They don’t have to deal with any more of our bullshit. The nightmare is over for them. Of course, that assumes that what awaits us isn’t worse than what is here on Earth. Unimaginable torment could be on the other side, and we are all unaware until it is time to face it for ourselves.”

“That’s not what I wanted you to tell them, Makoto.”

Makoto looked up at her, empty eyes peering out from his hoodie. “I don’t care. Mondo died for nothing, just like his killer will.”

In her secret room, the Mastermind groaned. This had seemed like a great, Despair-inducing idea a year ago, but now she was just waiting for the day they exposed her and the damn thing ended.

“I hate them. I hate them all so. Fucking. Much.”

Mukuro Ikusaba was seriously regretting having killed her hope-obsessed sister so soon in the game. But hell, maybe she’d get lucky and the Blackened would win this time.

Hiro was certainly smart enough to pull it off.

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t even know.


End file.
